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Self-Talk News & Information for Your Best Life March 2008
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Getting to Know You — Exploring the Island Before you can begin to love yourself, you need to know yourself. You may be thinking, “Know myself? Well of course I know myself!” But do you really? Every day, you are barraged by messages telling you how you “should” be, what you “should” think, and what you “should” do. But how do you really feel? What do you really think? Maybe you don’t even know. Perhaps you’ve taken everyone else’s ideas and accepted them as truths. You’ve become like a chameleon, changing personalities depending on who you are with and what you are doing at the time. It’s time to do some research to find out what really makes you “tick.” How do you begin to do that? You can start by acquiring as much information as you can, and by spending time with yourself. Begin to explore the vast world around you. Read books – fiction and non-fiction, history books, biographies, all different types of books. Read newspapers and magazines to keep abreast of current events. Read them, but don’t automatically accept them as truths. Watch the news, but try watching different stations, rather than the same station all the time. Ask questions. Compare information you receive from different sources. Just because someone else sees things a certain way or believes in certain things doesn’t mean you have to. Spend time with different types of people. See what personality attributes you admire, and which ones you don’t. You can accept people for who they are. But that doesn’t mean you have to be just like them. You are unique! Take a chance and try different activities that you’ve always wanted to try – even some that might not seem enjoyable to you. See how you like them. Perhaps you’ll discover fascinating new hobbies that you never thought you would enjoy. And you’ll discover abilities you never realized you possessed. Become a thinking individual. Spend time really pondering things, rather than just taking the word of others. You will gradually develop your own values and beliefs. For example, why is one political candidate better than another – is it because your spouse told you so? A well-informed person makes a valuable contribution to society. You will begin to respect yourself more as well, and start living a life that reflects your own set of values and beliefs — a life of authenticity. TAKE ACTION! Examine your thoughts and beliefs regarding the following topics. Write them down in your “Captain’s Log" (journal).
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EXTREME Self Care Y Spring Cleaning for Your Life — Start With a Clean Sweep Spring is here, bringing with it a wondrous feeling of joy and renewal. As the drab, barren earth gives way to new life, thoughts turn to clearing out winter's clutter and starting over — making a clean sweep. Such is the case in your life. The season of spring is a great opportunity for you to renew yourself and create more energy and happiness — it's time to begin a spring cleaning for your life. What's Draining You? You can begin by identifying things, large and small, that drain your reserves of time and energy and rob you of peace of mind. Thomas Leonard, the father of life coaching, coined the term "Tolerations" to describe these subtle time-wasters and energy drains; the things you tolerate — put up with — on a daily basis. A toleration can be something as small as a burned out light bulb in a closet, or as all-consuming as a troubled relationship. It can be the slow leak in one of the tires on your car, or the closet that bulges with out-of-date clothes that no longer fit. A toleration can be a serious thing, such as a physical symptom that you choose to ignore instead of going to the doctor to get checked out. It can be something that eats away at your quality of life, such as going to work every day to a job you detest in order to pay the bills. Whether the tolerations are large or small, they cut into your time and energy reserves — time and energy that could be put to much better use in achieving personal goals and living your best life. Why Are You Putting Up With It? Tolerations may start as petty annoyances that seem to be too small to bother with. You might even get used to some of these little problems. But every toleration, whether you realize it or not, creates stress and worry and one more thing that you have to think about. Over time, a small annoyance can turn into a major problem. When that happens, what may have taken only a small of effort to correct early on now requires tremendous amounts of time and energy — more than you may have to spare. It then becomes an unwanted item on your "To Do List" that never gets done. Sometimes fear prevents you from handling toler-ations. You may avoid going to the doctor when you have troubling symptoms because you're afraid of what the diagnosis might be. Perhaps you stay in an unhappy relationship because it seems easier to stay and be miserable than to leave and face the unknown alone. The job you hate pays the bills, and so you stay rather than venturing out of your comfort zone and risking rejection. Meanwhile you often find yourself feeling anxious, overwhelmed and depressed, wondering if you'll ever be happy. Tackle Those Tolerations! In order for you to live your best life, it's important that you practice Extreme Self Care every day. You can begin by tackling those tolerations that are bringing you down. Eliminating tolerations is a gradual, ongoing process, just like any other goal. Try to do one thing each day. Start with small things, such as physical tolerations, and break large tasks into smaller, manageable pieces. Get rid of clutter. Replace that leaky car tire. Donate those out-of-date clothes that no longer fit. Handle new tolerations right away, instead of waiting until they become huge problems. Soon you will notice that your environment, and your life, look and feel lighter and brighter. And the boost your self-confidence gets from these small successes will spur you on and give you strength to tackle some of the larger problems in your life. Remember that it took time for the tolerations to get a stronghold on your life — it will take some time and energy to get rid of them. But it is time and energy that will be well spent. TAKE ACTION! Spend a little time each day chipping away at a toleration that is interfering with your quality of life. Set a timer for 15 minutes, and use that time to do as much as you can toward eliminating a toleration. At the end of the 15 minutes, you may find that you'd like to continue your task. Sometimes just getting started is the hardest part. On the other hand, if 15 minutes is your limit, you can stop and still feel good about doing something to help eliminate the time and energy drains in your life. A few moments here and there can add up to big changes!
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